


Lost Human Instinct

by Corsaire



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corsaire/pseuds/Corsaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Malia is reminded of her mother, and a simple tutoring session with Lydia turns sorrowful, teaching them a little about each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Human Instinct

"Try it again, Malia."  
Malia threw her head back in frustration, wanting to curse the book and its idiotic author.  
"But, Lydia! I don't know this stuff! I can't do it. I don't understand this."  
"Just try!"  
"I have been trying! I don't get it...what's the point of this?"  
Lydia shot her a cross look. "I've explained it before. This is important. Now please, just try it again!"  
Malia groaned loudly and did the math problem again, with no success this time either. It was frustrating, the way she could never get it right. "I told you I can't do this! Can we please take a break?"  
"No Malia. We've already had a break. Let me just explain this differently. If you take the root of this number..."  
Malia sighed in frustration and idly twiddled her pencil. Schoolwork was hard, boring, and seemed to get more ridiculously unnecessary the more she did. Coyotes didn't need math problems or language lessons; they were independent and self sufficient...they were free, and sometimes she missed that. She didn't complain much though. Being a girl again was satisfying, and her new friends provided human comfort and support that had been foreign to her for eight years. School was just part of the deal. A part she never thought she'd fully understand, but a part.  
Her friends, however, were determined for her to succeed. Though it seemed a bit hypocritical considering the number of times they'd all gone running off from school to some new situation without a concern. Lydia was by far the most dutiful of them. There was nothing she didn't know, it seemed, and she was willing to help Malia much more than she had to...which Malia certainly appreciated....but working with Lydia could be a bit tiring itself.  
Lydia was a person of routine and particulars. She didn't like being rushed, she didn't like being crowded, she liked things her way. She was neat and orderly and always looked perfect in every little detail. Lydia was kind and patient but she wasn't perky or immediately endearing like Stiles. She kept her distance a bit; which was fine, but Malia found it hard to get close to her. So when she and Stiles both offered to tutor Malia, she took Stiles up on it long before Lydia. Malia could connect with him better...that was fairly obvious...and he was much easier to distract. However even Stiles had his limits, and Lydia would not be deterred forever. Which is how she wound up in Lydia's spotless, perfect room, at a desk, hours into ridiculous math equations, and beyond frustrated.  
Lydia was next to her in full tutor mode, calmly refusing to give her the answer. "There, we just talked about this again. Now can you please try?"  
"I can't," Malia practically pouted.   
Lydia sighed and Malia did too, and there was silence for a minute. Malia was going to ask to take a break for the fourth time when Lydia's mother knocked and came in looking as perfect as Lydia.  
"Hello girls," she said warmly. "I came home and thought you might want to have some refreshments." She daintily held a drink for each of them, some kind of fancy peach-looking smoothie. It looked beyond refreshing to Malia.  
"Thanks, mom," Lydia said while still looking a little wary of the orange color in her spotless bedroom. Malia remembered to also say thank you. "How are you Malia?" Ms Martin asked kindly. "Um I'm good I guess," Malia couldn't keep a tiny grumble out of her voice. She was trying to be good about this, she was. But everyone seemed to be far above her. And sometimes it was weird at the Martins house. Everything was spotless, decorated, and coordinated to perfection, including the people. Eight years of the woods, raw food, and fur had made Malia unfamiliar with this materialism.   
She liked them though, definitely. Natalie Martin was always kind to her, and here was Lydia giving up time to tutor her. Something about Lydia and her mother together though; something always tugged at her, but she didn't know what it was. It wasn't a nice feeling. She was always left feeling sad and kind of confused. Feeling things as a human were still different for her.  
"Lydia darling, I saw one of your portraits today. I have to say I was really amazed...you've improved so much!" Natalie was saying. Lydia was flushing a bit at the praise, but her pride hid it. "Thanks mom...which one was it?..."  
Malia watched the two siting on Lydias bed as they idly chatted for a few minutes. Sometimes they tried to include her but she was a little distracted; there was a strange feeling inside her, a little bit in her throat and a little bit in her heart. She didn't want to talk. So she sat and quietly observed them.  
Ms. Martin, like her daughter, came across just a bit snobby and elitist at first, before Malia realized she wasn't at all. She had a warm smile and welcoming demeanor and genuine affection for her daughter and the other students at the high school. Malia noticed both their smiles, how they did look more alike than she'd thought, how Ms Martin every so often smoothed back Lydia's pretty hair, or just seemed interested in her life.  
Malia felt an unexpected wave of wistfulness which added to the feeling in her gut. She'd had eight years to get used to her mothers death. Even as a coyote she'd mourned them both, mother and sister....but suddenly it felt so human and so much more real.  
She had memories...more like feelings really...of the love and gentleness of her mother, the hugs and comfort and warmth, the care and safety. The wistfulness suddenly turned sharp, and Malia recognized the feeling that had always been there.  
Grief. A silent, nagging grief.  
It hit her stomach almost knocking her over with its surprise appearance. But she pushed it away; now wasn't the time. Later she could figure it out, talk to Stiles, grieve. But not in front of perfect Lydia and her mother.  
Eventually Natalie left. The girls drank their smoothies, and Malia's concentration returned to math.  
It was even harder than usual this time though. Malia didn't feel like being here anymore, she didn't feel like working or listening to Lydia, or looking at her perfect hair and nails and house and room.   
She missed the freedom of the woods.  
She missed the simple times before that, with her family, when it seemed like being a coyote was the worst problem you could have, and boy, was that wrong!  
She missed her little sister, playing dolls and running and being best friends.  
She missed her Dad's happiness.  
She missed being smart and not being years behind her peers.  
She missed tutoring with Stiles who was fun and patient and didn't have a mother either.  
She missed her mother. She missed her more than she'd ever thought she had. More than anything else, she wanted her back.  
What she did not want to do was math. Lydia got frustrated and Malia got frustrated back.  
"You need to try harder Malia!" Lydia scolded. "You are not a coyote anymore, you are a human, and it's time you start doing normal human things and getting used to it!" Malia had hear this speech multiple times and was in no way interested in hearing it again.  
"I don't like this, I don't want to do it and I never asked for your help!" Malia stubbornly lashed back. For a moment Lydia's eyes flashed with anger but then she returned to her calm and controlled state.   
"Fine," she said shortly, turning away from Malia and speaking in a biting tone. "Goodnight, sweetheart!"  
Sweetheart was Lydia's sarcastic nickname flung at her provokers in a state of frustration; Malia knew that, and had received it before now.  
But at the snub of her tentative friend, something inside her collapsed, and she felt overwhelmed, although she couldn't quite put her finger on what.  
Malia tried to gather her control as her lip began to tremble, and it might have worked had she not then caught glimpse of a framed picture of Natalie and Lydia on her bureau. They were smiling and Lydia was being hugged from behind. Lydia looked the same age Malia had been when...well, when everything had changed.  
It was hopeless after that. It had been a long day anyway--hell, Malia's life felt long and she wasn't even sure what species she was supposed to be at this point. Monsters were everywhere and normal life was confusing and she didn't even have a mother.  
And worse than that, she'd killed her mother.  
The lump in her throat hurt and the water in her eyes stung. She was either going to burst into tears or have to hold her breath for an indefinite amount of time. She had to get out of here.  
But she heard a quiet voice say her name.  
"Malia?" There was a little shock in the tone. But it was gentle.  
A hesitant hand touched her shoulder. "What's wrong?"  
So many things. But she couldn't really express it. All that came out was a kind of stuttering.  
"I wish that....I dont..don't know, I just....I wish I still had a mom," she whispered.  
She sniffled and used the tissue she'd been handed.   
She watched Lydia's face soften from uncertainty into pure compassion.  
She stepped closer to Malia.   
"Sweetheart," This time it was a whispered exclamation that held no sarcasm.  
She closed her eyes against the bout of wet tears but she felt a gentle hand take hers and lead her somewhere, guide her onto a soft fluffy comforter.  
On Lydia's bed, Lydia sat against the wall. Malia wanted to collapse but Lydia wouldn't let her. She wrapped Malia into her, tightly and warm, giving more solace from her small arms than Malia could express.   
Malia was tall but she curled right into the comfort like she'd been craving it. Her arms held onto Lydia's shirt and her cheek rested under Lydia's chin. She closed her eyes and hiccuped breaths as Lydia consoled her, brushed her hair from her tear stained face murmuring, "I know," and "I'm so sorry," and let her cry and cry. Lydia's hand ran soothingly up and down her back, and Lydia brought her head to rest on Malia's, cradling her as close as possible.   
Malia felt as if she could cry forever, but she couldn't. Tears did run dry; life did go on. She took a deep breath and lifted herself from Lydia's embrace.   
"I'm sorry, Lydia," she started sincerely but Lydia stopped her gently, still keeping hold of her shoulders. "  
"Stop....stop, Malia. I'm so sorry...I can't--I can't even imagine."   
Lydia's eyes were full of care and concern and sadness....empathy, Malia realized. Lydia looked like she'd shed a few tears herself. She'd never seen Lydia so open.   
She wanted to cry again. Lydia pulled her back into a hug, and eventually Malia slipped down, resting her head on Lydia's lap. The last of her tears were gone, and there was an ache, an exhaustion left. But there was no shame. Malia knew that there would never be any shame...Lydia would never let her feel that way about this very intimate moment between the two of them. Lydia wouldn't let her go till she was okay.  
"Rest," Lydia murmured to her. She had shut the blinds, made sure their shoes were off, settled the blankets, and softly stroked Malia's hair. There was safety and tenderness all around Malia.  
So she rested, with a tiny smile curling around her lips.


End file.
